The One Best Piece of Career Advice I Can Give

I'll never forget in my first tour when a dear mentor told me, "You'd be amazed how far you can get in this career just by responding to emails." I have a whole blog post about how to manage emails when you don't have enough time, but as I reflected I realized that if I had to share my single best piece of career advice it wouldn't be "manage your emails!" It also wouldn't be things like "make sure you get a Master's degree" or "read The Economist cover to cover every day" or anything like that.

The single best piece of career advice I can give anyone is to learn how to give and receive feedback well. A former State Department senior leader whom I deeply admire once said, "Feedback is a kindness." Although it can be extremely difficult to see feedback (especially constructive criticism) as a kindness in the moment, the more I progress in my career the more passionately I feel that this is true. In the conflict averse culture of diplomacy, many Foreign Service personnel I know have never received constructive criticism at all. Yes, there are people who have been in this field for 10, 15, or even 20 years and never once received any information about what they could have done better, what they need to work on in themselves, and what weaknesses they should address to prepare themselves for the next level. This is an enormous disadvantage.

Giving feedback effectively is just as important. You may have learned to provide a "feedback sandwich" of praise, followed by constructive criticism, and then more praise. The conventional wisdom is that bookending the constructive criticism within the praise will soften the blow. Yet my understanding is that research shows the format of feedback isn't necessarily as important as how it's delivered. I do think it's kind to express praise for what went well or gratitude for the effort (and there's always something worth praising if you search hard enough even when it's just "Thank you so much for taking this on. I appreciate the time you took for this project.") But you must deliver the constructive criticism or the person will never have the chance to improve, and that's not fair to that person or to yourself or anyone who has to work with someone who keeps making the same mistakes. (And no, just because you know you need to have the tough conversation doesn't make it easy or fun. I have a whole different blog post about managing conflict that might be helpful if this is something you find challenging.)

Let me share a story about myself in my first Foreign Service tour, when I was in Public Diplomacy at the U.S. Embassy in Nairobi, Kenya. I had to send a press release out to hundreds of editors and journalists. I watched how my colleagues did it a few times and then, finally, my boss said I was ready to do it myself. I worked with the team on the next press release, about a major donation the United States made to Kenya and what a strong symbol this was of our partnership. I edited it, read it a million times, and then released it into the world. In that moment, I felt proud and excited that I was trusted to convey such an important message to so many people.

Later that same day, however, my supervisor pulled me into her office. I had made a huge mistake: an error in converting the Kenyan shillings to the U.S. dollar amount. Or maybe it was the other way around? (It's been quite a few years since then.) Either way, now all the editors and journalists had the wrong donation number and we had to issue a hasty correction to the press release to avoid the wrong number getting published. I was so disappointed in myself, but one reason I was able to bounce back is because this feedback was necessary but kind. I spent more time training and practicing for a while, and then when I was more reliably catching every detail I was allowed to do press releases myself again. And I didn't make any more mistakes with them after that.

This is the difference good feedback can make. Good feedback, although painful, allowed us to correct the record and for me to improve so I could succeed in the future. If the feedback had been delivered in a cruel way, I might have lost all my confidence and struggled much more. If I was extremely arrogant and refused to admit my mistake and receive the feedback or if I tried to blame someone else, I could not have accepted the need to improve and changed. Worst of all, if the feedback had never been delivered but my boss had quietly corrected it and then never let me do it again, I might be confused and wondering why I was suddenly losing professional opportunities with nobody telling me why.

I don't think the difficulties around giving and receiving feedback are unique to diplomacy. It's always hard to do this well, but I think the most important thing is to try never to sacrifice a long-term working relationship for short-term gain. If you knew you were going to work with that person extensively in the future, how would you deliver feedback so you can work together effectively? How would you receive feedback?

Even in the Foreign Service when we change assignments every few years, I think it's a huge mistake to postpone those conversations and assume you won't ever see them or work with them again, so they can be someone else's problem. If everyone stopped running out the clock on issues that should be addressed right away, the whole institution would be a better place - and we would all be better for it.

There are many articles online about how to nurture "criticism-open" employees, but a few of my favorite tips include providing a few suggested solution options along with constructive criticism instead of vague feedback like "needs to work on their judgment" as well as demonstrating genuine openness to constructive criticism and acting on it from the seniormost levels. Because people have a hard time giving feedback unprompted, it's helpful to request feedback frequently on your own work and where you could improve.

I also agree with inclusive leadership experts that feedback should be a two-way conversation. There were times when I wanted to provide constructive criticism but learned during the conversation that the person I was giving feedback had other very logical reasons for doing things a certain way that I hadn't known about before we talked. In those situations, we usually can find a new solution that addresses the issues I raised and accommodates the additional factors I wasn't aware of before.

I hope this career advice helps someone else out there, especially those earlier in their Foreign Service careers. I wished I had known when I started out that "feedback is a kindness" and nothing to avoid or fear. Dear colleagues, friends, subordinates, and mentors have given me feedback that has helped me grow as an officer and a person, and I'm so grateful they did - it's really helped set me up for success.