To Write and Roam in Florence and Rome

I do feel like the title of this post isn't the best of my rhyming game, but it was the perfect description of my time in Italy. I travelled from Dubai to Florence by way of Rome to attend the Futurescapes speculate fiction writer's workshop for writers in fantasy, science fiction, and horror genres.

It was my first time participating in a workshop like this, and it was an amazing opportunity to receive feedback on the first 50 pages of my novel as well as my query letter (the letter writers send to agents asking them to represent them and submit their work to editors, required by most traditional publishers) and synopsis (a summary of the rest of my novel).

The faculty were outstanding, and I received feedback directly from Lucienne Diver (a U.S. agent for N.K. Jemisin and for two of my friends from college, one of whom I interviewed for the blog previously), Zoe Plant (an agent from the UK), and Matt Kirby (an award-winning young adult and middle-grade U.S. author).

We all enjoyed a special session on including sensory details in our writing taught by Fran Wilde, a Nebula Award-winning author whose short fiction I've been reading and loving in Uncanny Magazine for years. She announced early in our workshop a surprise contest where if we completed a sensory detail writing exercise she would pick a few winners to get copies of her books.

I knew I had to participate, and I was so thrilled I won! I picked as my prize an Advance Reader Copy (meaning a print edition of the book before it goes to official publication) of her short story collection, "A Catalog of Storms", which she was kind enough to sign for me. The story "A Catalog of Storms" made a huge impact on me when I read it for the first time, and it has some of the best expressions of familial love and grief I've ever read.

I also learned so much from the other writers who participated. I was part of a five-person critique group with excerpts spanning many genres: space western, contemporary first-world fantasy (meaning fantasy set in today's world and today's time) including Meso-American mythological elements, secondary-world queer romantasy inspired partially by Spanish and Persian history, secondary-world dark fantasy inspired by African American folklore, and my own submission that I had submitted as a dystopian medical science fiction and Zoe Plant assured me fell firmly within "high-concept speculative fiction" - a label I love.

In Florence, I did several group walking tours as well as a hike. It's so fun to do things like this with other creatives, because for example we hiked to the top of a hill with a beautiful historic cemetery, where we did a writing exercise exploring how the societies in our novel understand and cope with death. It was a profound and inspiring experience, and to my delight besides us there was a group of artists similarly sketching various views. Florence is still truly a city of the arts even today.

I took advantage of my solo trip to Italy to add a few days in Rome to my itinerary, as well. I visited the Temple of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, which was the closest Temple to Dubai until the recent completion of the Nairobi, Kenya Temple (which I also can't wait to visit someday).

When I went, the Rome Temple was completely packed and they had to bring in rows and rows of extra chairs, and I learned it was a special final Temple visit day for missionaries assigned to Italy who were finishing their missions. How wonderful it was to share my Temple day with them!

On a complete coincidence, some of my dearest friends I had lived and worked with in Seoul happened to be visiting Rome for a weekend when I was there, so we met up for a late dinner and gelato. It was so nice to see them again. One of the best parts about being in the Foreign Service is having friends all over the world you never know when you're going to reunite with on a whim!

As you can probably tell from the photos I've sprinkled throughout this blog post, I especially enjoyed walking around many beautiful churches and cathedrals. I love the history and art in these sacred buildings, as well as their openness to the public. Multiple times, I found myself kneeling in prayer alongside total strangers from all over the world in these beautiful spaces designed to help us turn our hearts to God and more spiritual things than the bright, noisy streets just outside.

On my last morning in Rome, I decided to swing by one more church that happened to be right next to my hotel before I went to the airport, and to my surprise I discovered only after I arrived that that church was the Papal Basilica of Saint Mary Major, where Pope Francis was just laid to rest. I was grateful to have the opportunity to pay my respects and see such a special place before I left.

I came back home with a mind bursting with creative energy, which I'm already applying to finishing this first draft and then hopefully getting started as soon as possible on revising my novel. I had so much fun in Italy, but I really missed my family and it's good to be back with them. I would definitely recommend a writing workshop to any writers who are looking to take their craft to the next level, build community, and take some time away from the stresses of regular daily life.

More Hiking in the UAE: Jebel Hafeet, Hidden Oasis Suunto, Seven Summits, Wadi Saham Petroglyphs, and Al Rabi

Since I did a hiking in the UAE roundup post last year, I thought I'd do the same this year with all the new places we went hiking before it got too hot.

Our first hike this season was Jebel Hafeet in Al Ain, which is so famous it's one of the first places people will recommend if they find out you enjoy hiking. Unfortunately, due to an unusually heavy rainy season we saw a ton of garbage on the trail, which made it not only less safe but also less pretty. I would not recommend this trail unless it undergoes some extensive trash pickup. On the bright side, there was an awesome playground, picnic benches, and nice restrooms at the start of the trail, so the potential is definitely there for this to be a great outing for the whole family once it's cleaned up. At least we enjoyed some decent views while we tried to avoid slipping on crushed waterbottles and plastic wrappers.

After that, I went hiking with some friends from my book club to a hidden oasis in Ras Al Khaimah emirate. As soon as I heard "hidden oasis" and saw the amazing photos one of the ladies who went before shared with the group, I was in. This is one of my favorite hikes I've done in the UAE with a ton of scenic variety, very cool rock formations, a valley with an epic echo along the way, and the rewarding payoff of the hidden oasis of greenery at the end (though watch out for the goats, who were quick to try and pilfer any snacks hikers pulled out). I can't wait to do this one with the family next time.

On our way back from our Oman road trip, we did two hikes in Fujairah emirate: the Seven Summits and Wadi Saham. The Seven Summits trail was not nearly as difficult as it sounded, and I would describe this as the easiest hike we've found in the UAE and definitely kid-friendly. There's an easy path up with plenty of sitting areas to the top, and from there you can reach seven "summits" that are quite close and not too steep. (Just make sure when you park you walk to the edge of the trail by the road so you can take the proper path up. We didn't see it at first and took some less-nice stairs instead.)

Wadi Saham is another hike I consider a must for hiking enthusiasts in the UAE. It's challenging and has different paths so you can make the hike a bit longer or shorter. There is basically no shade, so be prepared for lots of sun exposure and not as many natural places to take a break. But what really makes the hike stand out is the petroglyphs near the start of the hike. (Petroglyphs are a type of rock carving where a chisel reveals the lighter layer of rock underneath the surface.) I was worried it would be one of those things that wouldn't live up to the hype online and would be barely visible in real life, but thankfully it was awesome and easy to see.

Our last hike of the season was Al Rabi trail in the Instagram-famous seaside town of Khor Fakkan. This hike was stunning, with views of the mountain on one side and the ocean on the other. There were also nice sitting areas spaced throughout. (There's a cute restaurant and cafe called The View with a gorgeous perch overlooking the ocean I recommend hitting as soon as you're done with the hike - if you can get a table! When we finished our hike, the wait was so long we opted for post-hike smoothies to go instead.)

For those who long for hikes and nature (like me) in the UAE, I hope these hikes can give you something to look forward to after summer is over. And for those who are far away, I hope posts like this show there's so much more to the UAE than just the glitz and glam of Dubai. At least for this expat, happy hiking makes for happy living!

Road Trip to Oman

Yes, this was my third trip to Oman in the year and a half I've lived in Dubai. No, I regret nothing. I've loved Oman, ever since my days studying Arabic and teaching English there more than a decade ago, and I'm always excited to go back. This time, we took a family road trip from Dubai to Muscat and did plenty of sightseeing and adventuring on the way!

First, we spent a day in Al Ain, stopping on the way to visit Emirates Bio Farm. Of the three of us, I enjoyed the farm the most. They had Damascus goats (the ones with the super long ears I didn't know existed until very recently) and sheep, but S decided the animals were scary and didn't like them as much as I thought he would. They had a lovely farm store and restaurant with a play area, and overall I thought it was a lovely excursion for a family.

Al Ain Oasis was even better, with plenty of long, winding roads in the shade of impressive date palm trees. It's the perfect outing for some unstructured time just walking and enjoying nature's beauty.

Al Ain Oasis was also an excellent example of the aflaj traditional irrigation system that's been used in Oman for thousands of years. We saw working aflaj still operational today!

After that, we went to Ibri where I couldn't believe how much the city had changed since I lived there briefly more than 10 years ago. They now have malls! Trendy hipster coffee shops! Definitely more hotels than I remember! The school where I used to teach is no longer there but has moved to the capital of Muscat, and I had a hard time finding the exact location where it was (since I'm a bit directionally challenged even for places I have seen more recently than a decade ago).

Then we went to Jabreen Castle, which I consider a must-see in Oman if you're passing anywhere near the area (and it's on the way between Ibri and Nizwa, another essential stop for those interested in culture and history)! The intricate and spacious rooms inside are a beautiful sample of old Islamic architecture.

Once we reached Nizwa, we visited Nizwa Fort, as well. Nizwa Fort and Jabreen Castle were both built in the 1600s, and Nizwa Fort is bigger but Jabreen Castle is more detailed inside. They're both great sites to visit even when it's scorching outside, because the thick walls (and in the case of Nizwa even some air conditioning in certain areas) keep the interiors cool enough for visitors.

After that, we visited a site that didn't exist when I used to live in Oman: the Oman Across Ages Museum, which just opened in 2023. This was such a fabulous museum for the whole family, with plenty of games for M and S and plenty of things for me to read! It covered a lot of history, culture, and science and had an impressive collection of artifacts (including this passport and ID cards from the former Sultan of Oman).

Once we reached Muscat, we stayed with my friend and colleague M, who is studying Arabic at the same school where I used to teach English back when it was in Ibri! What a small world! I even crashed one of her study sessions where we played a German-style card game called Bohnanza but in Arabic. It's also so fun to stay with families with kids now that we're a family with a kid. S loved playing with their kids and we all had a great time.

I was determined to get out and about while we were in Oman. I had heard about the Muttrah Geotrek as a recommended hike very close to the city of Muscat, so we all went there despite some mixed reviews about whether it was still open.

We had only just started the hike when we reached an ominous sign telling us not to continue because it was too dangerous! I wish they had put that sign at the beginning of the trail, but at least we got to enjoy some nice views before we had to turn back. Thankfully, there was a small park close to where we parked to start the hike, so we took S there and let him play and it was still a fun family outing.

We also decided to splurge on a one-day Shangri-La hotel day pass so we could enjoy the pool, the beach, a lazy river, and lunch as a family. S and I love to swim and play in the water together, so we had a blast!

The next day, we woke up early and drove a bit outside of Muscat for one of my favorite hikes in the world: Wadi Shab! It was just as stunning as I remembered it over a decade ago, except now it's even better because they have restrooms by the parking lot and guys who will rent life jackets, waterproof phone cases, water shoes, and other things at the entrance if you need them.

This is a fantastic hike that we did as a family on the solid ground and then I let M and S enjoy some father-son bonding time while I continued through the swimming-only part (from which I took the first photo of this post). At the end, you can even swim through a very narrow path between rocks and get inside a stunning cavern with a waterfall. There was almost nobody there, and I enjoyed every second of the beautiful nature around me. It healed my soul.

That night, we enjoyed an Omani iftar (the meal with which you break the fast during Muslims' holy month of Ramadan) at Ramsaa Omani Restaurant that included a dish I love, harees. (I looked up harees on Wikipedia and the description does not do this dish justice! It says, "a dish of boiled, cracked, or coarsely-ground cracked wheat or bulgur, mixed with meat and seasoned. Its consistency varies between a porridge and a gruel." It's better than it sounds.) This trip was right at the end of Ramadan, which was observed much more strictly in Oman than in most of the UAE. Restaurants including fast food places and cafes were completely closed during the day in Oman, whereas these days almost everything is open in Dubai all day and all night during Ramadan. To our surprise, a stranger came up to us since S was wearing a Virginia Tech shirt to say they were a VT alum! They and M (hubby M, not friend M) bonded over their time in Blacksburg.

Sadly, our week in Oman flew by and we had to return home. An Emirati friend asked me before I left, "Are you looking forward to the cooler weather there?" and I had forgotten how much cooler Oman feels than Dubai when we're so close but she was right. It did feel way less hot! When we came back to the UAE, we drove through Fujairah (one of the seven emirates that make up the United Arab Emirates of the UAE) and did a few last hikes for the season (which I'll include in a separate UAE hiking post with more details).

We all had so much fun in Oman, and I will never not love visiting this amazing country. Unfortunately, I planned our trip too last minute and missed out on meeting up with my former boss and his family this time, but since my Oman visa is still valid maybe I can make it over there again before it expires... If I'm lucky!

How I Took My Arabic from 2 to 3

One of the requirements of our diplomatic work is being able to communicate in foreign languages. I personally see the opportunity to learn and practice new languages as one of the biggest perks of a Foreign Service job. To determine our language abilities, we're tested by examiners at the Foreign Service Institute (FSI) using the Inter-Agency Language Roundtable (ILR) scoring system. The scale goes from 0 (no proficiency) to 5 (native or bilingual fluency), but the Department of State recently stopped scoring people that high and just said everyone who scores at least a 4 (full professional proficiency) will be given a special designation of Advanced Proficiency, or AP.

Most Foreign Service jobs that require a language require a 3 (professional working proficiency), though some (like the Consular job I did in Seoul) only require a 2 (limited working proficiency). Most language scores expire every five years, so we often retest even in languages where we previously achieved proficiency. Passing the language test can really help when it comes to bidding (i.e., applying for the next assignment) or help you get a pay bonus if you're serving at a post where that language is used (depending on the language - usually this is just for "critical languages" that are high priority but difficult for most English speakers to learn).

When I joined the Foreign Service in 2017, I tested in Arabic and received a score of 2/2 - the first part of the score is for speaking and the second is for reading. I remember feeling disappointed given my many years of studying Arabic in my undergraduate and graduate programs as well as countless night classes, online classes, and studying abroad in Oman, but I didn't think too much of it especially after I was assigned to Nairobi and then Seoul for my first few tours. After that, I finally made my way to working on the Middle East, where I knew I wanted to refresh my language score after it expired.

At first, I only wanted to renew my score of 2/2. However, when I tested last year I was surprised to get a 2+/3. (One thing to know about the ILR scale is that a score of "X+" is much closer to the next level than it is to X. The way someone once explained it to me is that the evaluators almost wanted to give you the next level score but you didn't maintain that level consistently enough, so they downgraded you to the level below with a plus instead.) Once I was that close, I decided to retest and recently received my 3! (Unfortunately for people like me who did well in reading, the Department of State recently decided to focus only on speaking for testing purposes so now we just have a single-number score instead of two.)

For those who are preparing for their own FSI language tests, I thought I'd condense some of the best advice and things that helped me in case it's useful for others. Here are my best tips for language test prep on your own (i.e., when you're not in full-time language training) that don't violate any non-disclosure agreements, in no particular order:

• Meticulously review the FSI language testing SharePoint page including all FAQs and sample materials. The test format has changed quite a bit in recent years and the internal SharePoint is your best source for the latest and most accurate information on the format and content.
• Always take advantage of distance language learning (DLL) and the post language program (PLP), even if your post or your job don't require the language. We're very lucky to have access to free foreign language classes all over the world, and I found these essential for maintaining and improving my language skills.
• I included this in a previous post on maintaining language skills generally, but know language-specific filler words (i.e., the other language's equivalent of "um") and essential clarifying vocabulary (like "Could you please repeat that more slowly?" or "What does that mean?") in that language to reduce the amount of time your brain switches to English or your native language while you're trying to speak the target language.
• My advice from a previous FSI test to be bold and to practice your self-introduction still applies, but now they've shifted the test from a personal introduction to a professional one. Be prepared to talk about your current work and past work right off the bat in the test.
• Keep a few proverbs and idiomatic expressions in your back pocket, but make sure you know how to use them correctly. A well-placed proverb can really demonstrate you have a nuanced and advanced command of the language.
• Especially now that the test is focused only on speaking, make sure you get real conversational practice beforehand. It's not enough (in my opinion) to listen to podcasts and read the news, but you need to practice speaking whether that's in a classroom or with a family member or friend. (In my case, I started speaking Arabic with S Monday through Friday to help him keep up with his Arabic, and it's paid huge dividends for improving my comfort with conversation.)
• For Arabic, pick the dialect you're most comfortable with - not the one you think will be the most practical for a specific post. In my case, I picked Modern Standard Arabic because I had always learned Arabic formally in school and that's what I'm most comfortable speaking. With my lack of knowledge now, I definitely wouldn't be able to perform on test day in any dialect!
• Explore the best language learning apps for you. To prepare for my FSI test, I used a combination of Anki (flashcard app), Duolingo (gamified language learning), Drops (vocabulary-focused app with lots of inclusive langauge), and Lingolette (AI short articles with audio, questions, and freeform answers to check comprehension and then a conversation with real-time correction afterward). At other times in my life, I preferred italki (private certified virtual tutors, who really helped with my accent and some advanced grammar questions I had) and Mango Languages (which helped me refresh my language skills after a long period of disuse). On the other hand, I tried Rosetta Stone many years ago and quickly learned it was not my cup of tea. After my test, I discovered that Google's Gemini Voice Assistant speaks Arabic quite well and understands many dialects (though it always answers in Modern Standard Arabic). Knowing that, I think I would try using that tool more for future conversational practice and test prep. Figuring out the right apps (if any) for you will take some trial and error.
• Use every opportunity to practice the language with native speakers, and accept the inevitability of mistakes. It's normal! Most people will be so thrilled you're learning their language, they will forgive any errors you make. Meeting people from around the world, traveling, and volunteering could all be opportunities to practice your language skills.

It's much harder to achieve score improvements without full-time language training, but it's not impossible. I hope my list of tips comes in handy for at least some readers preparing for their next FSI test!

#WhatGovDoes: One Data Point

Image by mar lidia from Pixabay

Someone on social media made the point that amid all the news headlines in the United States about the federal workforce, there's a lot of confusion about what the U.S. government actually does. I think it's even less obvious to most people in the realm of international affairs, because few Americans know what Foreign Service members do or how we advance the interests of the American people. Foreign Service Spouse Crystalline Randazzo started the hashtag #WhatGovDoes to share more about what we do, so I'm adding to the conversation with the list of some of the things I've done, in no particular order:

• When notified of a U.S. citizen's unexpected death in international waters in the middle of the night during the pandemic, I called that citizen's spouse back home and informed them. I helped negotiate the transfer of the deceased person's remains and belongings back to the family, despite concerns from the local government that the remains posed a COVID-19 risk. I ensured that family did not bear the costs of returning the remains and received all the rights due to them under international maritime law.
• I have assisted surviving family members with recording U.S. citizens' deaths abroad and providing the necessary paperwrok for them to transport the remains back to the United States for burial, if needed.
• I have issued many, many passports for U.S. citizens including emergency passports.
• I have issued many, many Consular Reports of Birth Abroad documenting the birth of U.S. citizens overseas.
• I have issued many, many visas for students, businesspeople, investors, tourists, and other non-immigrant visitors who poured millions and millions of dollars into the U.S. economy.
• I have denied many, many visas for travelers who posed a threat to U.S. national security or interests or otherwise did not qualify for a U.S. visa.
• I have comforted U.S. citizen victims of violent crime including sexual assault and helped them navigate the complexities of a foreign justice system with compassion. I ensured that failures to address violent crimes against U.S. citizens factor into the U.S. Department of State's public annual Human Rights Report and enhanced international cooperation between the United States and our partners on transnational sexual cybercrimes like fake pornography.
• I have helped U.S. citizens in critical medical condition return home with a medical evacuation.
• I have helped U.S. citizens without money, living on the streets of a foreign country, get an emergency loan to return safely home.
• I have visited U.S. citizens in prison overseas and ensured they did not face discrimination or mistreatment due to being American.
• I have helped U.S. citizens in prison overseas apply for the international prisoner transfer program, which allows U.S. prisoners to transfer to a prison back home and serve their sentence closer to their loved ones.
• I have taken custody of a wealthy American's belongings when he died alone overseas with no next of kin on record including no parents, no children, no spouse, and no siblings. With my colleagues, we found nine cousins in the United States and ensured they received their rightful inheritance instead of it being lost in a foreign country.
• I assisted American parents whose children were abducted and taken to another country by the other parent with the legal and law enforcement processes necessary to return their children home under international law.
• I helped negotiate a change to the implementation of a local law that drastically reduced barriers to American business.
• I supported official visits culminating in a joint financing deal unlocking hundreds of millions of dollars in co-investment for U.S. businesses overseas.
• I have promoted U.S. leadership and influence in critical sectors including AI and other emerging technology, including warning our partners about the national security consequences of using untrusted technology from our adversaries.
• I have informed Americans overseas how to vote from abroad and helped get their ballots back in time for the vote to count.
• I have served as a spokesperson explaining the United States and what we stand for to everyone from school groups to journalists to the general public to other countries' diplomats.
• I have served as a duty officer, who takes U.S. citizen emergency calls at any time after hours on nights or weekends. (I'm even the duty officer as I write this blog post, and in one day this week I helped a U.S. citizen couple who lost their passports in transit, a U.S. citizen who was arrested, and a U.S. citizen who was scared for their family member trapped in Syria and at risk of violence.)
• I helped a 3-year-old child and his parents secure emergency travel documents to fly to the United States for an approved heart transplant, without which his doctors confirmed he would have died within 48 hours.
• I have helped people understand Americans better and helped Americans understand others better through exchange programs and cultural diplomacy. This brings more people to the United States and supports our economy, debunks negative stereotypes holding us back from our full potential cooperation in shared interests with our partners, and helps Americans receive a warmer welcome when they travel abroad.

My experience is just one data point, but I hope it helps illuminate the work we do a bit better. If you're a federal government employee or have benefitted from the work of a federal government employee, please feel free to share #WhatGovDoes in the comments below!

My Biggest Early-Career Mistake

Today I wanted to share my biggest early-career mistake, one that I think a lot of early-career people make not just in diplomacy but in many fields. I hope that there are readers who benefit from this and can avoid some of the pitfalls I couldn't, since those lessons can be very painful to learn. Without further ado, my biggest early-career mistake was not knowing how to manage workplace conflict.

People would say and do things that offended me, bothered me, and even undermined me professionally and it wasn't obvious to me how I was supposed to resolve it. I consulted my mentors and most of them said they were conflict avoidant themselves and would choose to ignore almost everything if they were me. They were well meaning, but I don't think this advice was the most helpful. In professional settings (and life) there are a lot of people who bottle up resentments and talk badly about people behind their backs, but far fewer people who are willing to address difficult conflict in an open-minded and productive way directly with the person they have conflict with. I, too, kept many of my grievances to myself and bought into negative narratives about people (which in our line of work we call bad corridor reputation) without giving people a chance to address the issues. I'd like to think this is something I've improved at over time.

Here's a real, anonymized example from my life. I once took notes at a meeting, and one of my coworkers didn't like my summary of the conversation. He said, "You shouldn't have included that quote from that person!" I stood my ground and said, "That's what she said, though." He replied, "She was misinformed and now you've spread incorrect information with these notes!" Clearly, my notes bothered him, but it was too late for me to go back and change them since I'd already circulated them with our internal offices. Moreover, I wasn't convinced that I needed to change them. He lost his temper and began sending emails to my colleagues saying I didn't know what I was doing and that I was unqualified. He would raise his voice to me on the phone and send all-caps emails. Finally, the straw that broke the camel's back: when I had a meeting with contacts at another organization, he told these people, whom I was meeting for the first time, that I was ignorant and didn't know what I was talking about.

The entry-level me would have simmered until I boiled over, railing about this guy to anybody and everybody except him. I might even have taken steps to switch portfolios and projects to avoid working with him again, writing off our professional relationship as irreparably doomed. This time, I took my concerns up the chain of command and began documenting everything in case it got worse and I needed to escalate. (I had learned the hard way earlier in my career that sometimes documentation and witnesses were necessary.) To my shock, multiple people I raised my concerns with made comments like, "Oh, yeah. Everyone knows he can't work well with women" or "He's just sexist; don't take it personally" or "There have been so many women like you who have complained about this before." I guess these responses were supposed to make me feel better, but instead they made me extremely frustrated. If this was a known issue, why didn't anybody address it? And had we all really just decided to tolerate someone who couldn't work with half of the population? Was that even really the problem?

I told leadership that I was going to try to resolve this directly with the colleague, but if that failed I had no choice but to escalate. I knew I couldn't do my job effectively with a coworker harassing me in the office and deriding me in front of others. When I first asked him to sit down and talk one-on-one, he avoided me, ignoring my calls and emails. (Note: I find these conversations are always best one-on-one if you have a choice.) Finally, I asked him to hang behind and talk one-on-one after a group meeting we both attended. In that room, I told him that I didn't know he felt that strongly about the initial meeting notes I had written. I told him how his actions since made me feel like he didn't respect me as a colleague and undermined me and my work, making it difficult to do my job. To his credit, he admitted he lost his temper. He apologized to me and said he wouldn't do that again. We discussed together a solution for the next time we faced a disagreement. And you know what? Despite all the horrible things everyone had said about this guy, he never did do those things again. He did work with me constructively when we disagreed. He helped find compromises. I was not only able to tolerate working with him again, but we both enjoyed working together again.

This experience made me realize people were perfectly happy to make assumptions about his character or the reasons why he behaved the way he did, but those same people hadn't been willing to have the tough conversations necessary to find out if their assumptions were correct or to move forward. People tried to marginalize him and his work when they reached a point of friction instead of addressing the friction itself. I thought about all the misunderstandings and conflicts that arise in typical working life and accrue over time and wondered how many of them could be completely transformed by a simple, honest conversation.

I'll be the first to admit I didn't have the skills to do this when I first started my career, and it's still not easy. It's not fun to have difficult conversations about how someone has hurt or impeded you or to hear about how you might have hurt or impeded them. But those conversations are essential to people and teams achieving their full potential. It's easier in the short-term to avoid conflict, bottle things up, and then message your group chat what a jerk your work rival is. In the long-term, though, everyone is better served by healthier conflict resolution.

When I tell that true story, the response I most often get is, "But what if he'd doubled down instead?" In that scenario, I still see the difficult conversation as necessary. It shows that you tried to resolve things at the lowest possible level and it gives you the information you need to know whether you need to escalate: whether that's bringing in your supervisors or requesting a mediator or in some cases even filing a formal grievance or complaint with that documentation you prepared in advance.

It may be my inherent optimism, but deep down I truly believe that if more conflicts were addressed sooner in healthier ways, they would never get to that point. I can definitely think of conflicts earlier in my career that I might be mature enough and savvy enough and skilled enough to defuse better now. And there are probably others I will experience in the future that could be de-escalated, but that I may lack the ability to defuse now. It's reassuring to me to think of this as a skill you can never "complete" or "master" but one that grows in strength with repeated use over time, like a muscle of emotional intelligence. It reminds me that nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes, so hopefully when others make mistakes the least we can do is give a fair shot of repairing the relationship - just as we would hope people can do for us when we mess up.

Of course, I don't want to take this idea to the extreme. I don't think people need to tolerate abusive or toxic environments, and some working relationships are not possible or worthwhile to save because the (emotional, mental, physical, and - in the case of some formal grievances requiring legal representation - financial) cost is simply too great. However, I'd like to think those cases are a small minority. I fundamentally believe that most people are good people trying their best and falling short from time to time. The more positive experiences people have of resolving conflict and repairing relationships, the more I find they too begin to believe it's possible and approach conflict with a healthier mindset. This is a small impact each of us can make in our circles every single day, and it can ripple outward and lead others to start doing the same.

Would you agree that this is a common mistake people make early in their careers? Do you have any tips for resolving conflict in a healthier way? If so, I hope you'll consider sharing in the comments. Thanks for reading!

Hosting Our First Dubai Guests

After more than a year in Dubai, we finally hosted our first guests! (More of our family and friends should come visit before we leave. ;) ) My sister and her husband stayed with us on their way to Italy from the States, and it was so fun catching up with them and exploring Dubai with tourist's eyes. You know how you can live somewhere for a while and then still not do the most well-known attractions until you're with someone from out of town? That was me the whole time they were here.

We went to Jumeirah Mosque for a fantastic tour they do most days at 10am and 2pm. I'm adding this to my list of must-do activities for Dubai - we had an excellent tour guide and for just 40 dirhams per person (about $10) we got the full mosque tour, Emirati refreshments, access to the small museum and gallery on site, and henna. The tour was very family friendly, with a room of the mosque set up as an area for young kids to play that S loved once he found it. Our guide was very knowledgeable and explained the UAE and Islam very well - no prior knowledge needed for visitors. If you do the 10am tour like we did, you can pop over to nearby La Mer and walk along the beach and have a nice lunch. (You can also swim if you bring your swimsuit to change into and the weather is nice! There were so many people enjoying the water when we went.)

After that, we took our guests to Dubai Miracle Garden (one of my favorite attractions from when M and I visited Dubai many years ago), a garden with stunning, enormous flower sculptures that's only open during the winter. Then we took them to the classic Global Village, which is like a theme park with pavilions for countries and continents around the world. As you can imagine, the gifts and food options are as diverse as the theme. It's so big it's hard to explore it all in one visit. Funny enough, my sister visited me in Kenya many years ago and finally wore down sandals she had purchased there and adored, so at Global Village she popped over to the Africa pavilion and bought more sandals she already loves.

While I went to church on Sunday, my sister and her husband went to Aura Skypool, a 360-degree infinity pool where they enjoyed the sunrise and breakfast. I've never been there, but they said it was a gorgeous view so I might have to give it a try. That afternoon, we embarked on an overnight desert safari with a company called Platinum Heritage that many friends and colleagues recommended to me. We found their reputation was well deserved, with the whole experience running like clockwork and executed perfectly.

We started with a driving desert safari in a vintage Land Rover. In my younger days, I used to go dune bashing (i.e. driving fast up and down sand dunes) with my friends, but when I learned about how damaging it was to the desert ecosystem I couldn't in good conscience participate any more. I want to help conserve the beautiful desert landscape so future generations can enjoy it as much as I have, and that's why choosing an eco-friendly tour company is so important to me.

We saw unique animals native to the desert in this region, including the majestic Arabian oryx. As the sun set, we enjoyed a falcon show with a professional falconer and learned about the importance of falconry historically and culturally in the UAE. At the end, we got to take photos with the falcon, named Shadow, and even take a look at his passport (because yes, apparently these falcons do have actual passports and many Gulf-based airlines allow them on planes).

Following our sunset falcon show, we reached our Bedouin-inspired campsite that provided henna, Arabic coffee, camel rides, and an outstanding Emirati traditional dinner.

After that, we had a stargazing session led by an expert who pointed out the many stars and planets we could see. They even had shisha for those who were interested in smoking. We spent the night in very comfortable accommodations - they reminded me of the luxury safari tents we'd experienced in Kenya.

The next morning, we enjoyed a fabulous breakfast and breathtaking desert sunrise. The sun somehow seemed to rise faster in the desert than it normally does... Or maybe it's just that it's been a while since I was up early enough to see the sunrise.

Then, we returned to the city. My sister and her husband went to enjoy a luxury couples' hammam spa treatment I recommended. Later, we explored the massive Dubai Mall and ate delicious food in the Chinatown portion, which was just starting to get decorated for Chinese New Year. We took the metro from there to Dubai Expo City for the event that prompted me to ask my sister to visit in the first place: a Green Day concert! When I saw the advertisement, I couldn't believe it. I didn't realize Green Day, a band we had listened to when we were younger, was still making music - let alone touring. The opening act was The Offspring, another band I hadn't heard in ages. The concert was packed with people, and although I had a ton of friends attending I didn't see a single one of them in the crowds. I had so much fun with my sister and her husband. When "Wake Me Up When September Ends" started playing, I was struck with what a special memory this was that I would cherish forever.

The next day, we walked around Old Dubai including Al Fahidi Historical Neighborhood and the Gold Souk just a short abra (i.e., traditional boat) ride across the river. When nighttime came, we went downtown to see the light show at Dubai Fountain.

Then, we did a Burj Khalifa tour and enjoyed the views of Dubai from 148 stories high! I'm so glad we booked this tour at night so we could enjoy the experience of seeing the city lit up. One thing that always strikes me about the Arab world in general but especially Dubai is how late everything is compared to what I'm used to: things open later and close later, and even babies stay up way later than I would expect as an American. From the tallest building in the world, you can really see the city bustling after it gets dark!

And just like that, our visitors had to get back on the plane and head to their next destination! The time flew by way too fast, but at least we spent it well. I just found out one of my best friends will visit me later this year, and I already can't wait to play host again!